James Cameron, who is currently using his supernatural powers to manipulate the media into over-hyping his latest movie project Avatar, has celebrated his greatness by buying himself a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
“This star proves that I’m the most important director/visionary/Canadian of modern times” said Cameron during his ceremony.
“I feel that buying this star and awarding it to myself in a lavish ceremony shows to me that I have earned the recognition, the love and respect of my peers, of which I have none because I function on a level beyond human capacity for understanding and directing. But if I had any worthy peers, they would want me to have this.”
As to be expected from Cameron, he revealed he spent 300 million dollars and 10 years of personal research before buying the star, to ensure its authenticity and to allow technology to catch up with his dreams.
“When I first conceived of buying my Star on the Walk of Fame, I invested most of the money I made from Titanic’s box office profits into the technology required to make a manned trip to Bernards Star, which is 6 lightyears away. When I landed on the star I took extensive chemical and composition readings and had my film support crew from visual effects company ILM do high quality CGI renderings so we could analyse and replicate the star when we returned.” continued Cameron.
“Then, back on Earth we developed a unique process to create the star for the Walk of Fame using material we brought back from Bernards Star, which we believe will revolutionise the steel and manufacturing industry. When I was finally satisfied that I had created a Star that was the most technologically advanced ever made and would propel movie tourism foward into the 22nd Century, I announced to the world that I was finally giving myself the award, to co-incide with the release of my other little project you may have heard about, Avatar.”
Reviews of Cameron’s Walk of Fame award are split between admiration and loathing for the star.
Supporters are claiming it “a step forward for all awards, changing the way we look at awards and small metal stars on footpaths forever” while his detractors claim “Cameron has once again hijacked good taste and storytelling with a barrage of overwhelming technical achievements that do little more than disguise what is a childish, irrelevant and and cliched ceremony.
Cameron concluded the awards ceremony by announcing that he has started developing the technology which will transport himself and a film crew to the 7th Circle of Hell where he will begin research for his next project “The Salamander Chronicles”, a heart-warming childrens animation about a boy and his pet salamander who journey to Hell after all life on Earth is wiped out by a virus infected cheese sandwhich. He plans to project the film directly into our brains via a network of 52,000 orbiting satellites in the Summer Blockbuster season of 2021.
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