Westpac went into damage control today after they released an animation which blamed the Global Financial Crisis and rising interest rates on a tropical storm that wiped out a banana plantation on the island from the television show LOST.
Customers were outraged that the bank attempted to blame the rising cost of bananas for hiking up interest rates beyond the level recommended by the Federal Reserve, and demanded an explanation.
“Our customers have to understand, banking is expensive, and bananas even more so” said Gail Kelly, head of Westpac.
“What people don’t realise is that we invested their money heavily in a banana plantation on that spooky island from Lost. The prospectus claimed that due to the nature of time travel and quantum displacement, our investment today would travel back to 1972 and triple in value before jumping to the future and quadrupling, earning us a total 7 fold increase which would allow us to keep rates low. What we didn’t plan on was the rupture of the magnetic field caused by the detonation of the atomic bomb at the end of the last series that caused a hurricane that wiped out the whole plantation. It was an honest unavoidable mistake. Locke knew the risks, and so did our customers.”
Late this afternoon the bank started to send out a second email to its 4.3 million customers apologising for the first email and trying to clarify the banana smoothie metaphor.
The new animation shows a group of monkeys (representing the bank) and a crowd of people (representing it’s customers). The people give the monkeys food (representing money from savings) which the monkeys eat (represents the bank making investments). When the people ask the monkeys to dance (this represents people asking for loans) the monkeys throw their shit at the people (this represents the banks throwing shit at people).
“We really are sorry about the first email. This new email is much better. It really captures how the banks work” said Gail Kelly.
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