Sydney radio host Kyle Sandilands has apologised for what he admits was a poor decision on his behalf to continue hosting his radio show while wearing such an appalling beard.
“Sure, people go after me all time, because I’m famous, and they’re jealous of my fame, and they wish they had my fame,and 12-18 year old kids like me, but this time I guess I overstepped the mark. The beard was a bad idea, and I apologise for it, but I really need it so I can tell where my ties go.”
Critics of Sandilands, who claim that that his radio stunts had gone too far recently, also demanded he apologise for his hair, done in a youth friendly cross between a ‘brohawk’ and a ‘Rick Astley’, known as the ‘shithawk’.
“What? How would you like a punch in the bal… okay.. Fine, I apologise for my hair too. Tamara thought it made me look cool, like those 16 year old ethnic kids she hangs out with, and let’s face it, I’m a bit old, a bit fat and have a head like an embarrassed turtle, so I gotta do what the kids want.”
Many in the industry have found this sudden about-face by Sandilands odd, however. “He never apologises for anything. He’s always banging on about ‘punching so-and-so in the throat’, and suing everyone, and stabbing their dogs if they don’t like him, and kicking defenseless kittens over fences, so what’s with the apologies all of a sudden?” said rival host Maxwell Q. Smart. “We think he’s trying to deflect attention away from some other controversy.”
“What stupid stunt has he pulled now? Did he get some underage kid to admit on live radio while hooked up to a lie detector that she was raped, or something equally irresponsible and criminal like that in search of ratings? He’s a prick and I hope a tiger eats his face off.” said long time enemy Dave Hughes, currently in hospital recovering from nasal surgery and poor television ratings.
Kyle Sandilands denied he had done anything as stupid as Hughes suggested, but if he had, that he would probably apologise for that too, if it meant he could keep being famous.
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