Sarah Jessica Parker has defended the newly released poster for upcoming horror film, Sex and the City 2, claiming “It’s all us, fabulous fabulous us! You’re all jealous little ugly skankatrons.”
Parker, 68, claims that her rigorous daily youth treatments results in her looking “supernaturally young” in photo-shoots and movies.
“The girls and I spend millions every year to allow us to look this young. We use a special facial cream made by a lost tribe deep within the Amazon jungle. They sacrifice their young twice a year and pulp them into a moisturising paste. They only sell it to fabulous people like me and my slightly less fabulous co-stars, and that old bitch Kim Catrall. It also tastes great on crackers!”
Kim Cattrall, 93, also denies that the poster has been artificially improved to make her seem younger.
“That’s just a cruel lie! My skin is stunning, honey,” she told Blrtr when contacted. “And I also deny that they had to airbrush out my penis! That’s just plain ridiculous! I just tuck it in.”
Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon could not be contacted for comment. It is believed that they are currently in Switzerland having their annual full-body skin replacement treatment performed.
The studios art department claim they have been gagged from making public statements.
“SJP said she would eat my 3 year old daughter if I spoke to reporters about the poster, so no comment,” said Quantico Jones, the Director of Studio Airbrushing and Gaussian Blur Effects.
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