The results for the biggest ratings showdown of 2010 are in, with Channel 7 and Channel 9 going head to head last night in a battle for the eyes of viewers, the dollars of advertisers and the rage of people who hate Daryl Somers.
One show was a much talked about locally filmed Australian production showcasing local talent with equal parts horror and humour that showed us a glimpse of our history, while the other was about the war in the Pacific during World War II.
Both networks provided figures with their own slightly skewed take on numbers, but both agreed that ultimately the big winner was anyone who doesn’t watch Channel Nine.
1.59 million people tuned into The Pacific while 1.51 million retards forgot to take their medication and accidentally switched on their televisions to Hey Hey it’s 1983, handing the nights crown to Channel Seven for yet another ratings victory.
Enrico Pallazzo, a Senior Television Analyst, believes the figures indicate that Seven was pushed over the line to win by a swell of people who hated the idea of Daryl Somers returning to a regular TV gig.
“Everyone I talk to in the industry tells me they get physically sick at the thought of Daryl getting his mug on the small screen again. I actually watched one guy from Nine cough up his spleen when I asked if Nine were excited by Daryl’s return. And that was the guy who hired him to come back,” said Pallazzo.
But Seven haven’t escaped public criticism, with many people lodging complaints that the network aired almost as much commercial advertising content as the show itself.
“My family sat down to watch Hey Hey at 8.30 and had to switch over the The Pacific by 8.35 after 3 members of my family became violently ill and began projectile vomiting. ” said Elaine Benes, of Roxburgh Park, Victoria.
“But after less than 10 minutes of the show, which looked brilliant and engrossing, we were forced to sit through 10 minutes of ads! Far from being a one off thing, every 10 minutes of the show was interrupted by 10 minutes of ads for some crazy bastard selling extendable ladders or the upcoming series of Celebrity AFL Master Chef Meth Lab CSI. It was ridiculous! It took us 4 hours to watch a 42 minutes show! We gave up at at midnight and just went outside to watch the weekly raping in the park across the road.”
When The Daily Blrtr contacted the Seven Network for a response, we were told “You don’t like ads? Pay for Foxtel you cheap bastards. And get a real job, communist”, leading us to believe we had actually called Channel Nine by mistake.
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