Sam the Koala, who emerged from the Black Saturday bushfire as an iconic symbol of the unbreakable Aussie spirit, has been assassinated.
Tributes have been pouring in from leaders around the world.
Sam was being treated for chlamydia in hospital this week when a lone assassin cleverly disguised as a veterinarian injected him with a deadly poison, killing him within seconds.
Officers from the Australian Federal Police discovered Sam’s lifeless body wrapped in a garbage bag and stuffed in a rubbish bin shortly before midday.
After a brief search through the hospital they cornered the alleged assassin in a staff cafeteria, brazenly having lunch.
When officers surrounded the assassin he resisted arrest, claiming “DON’T SHOOT! I was just doing my job!”
The heavily armed officers opened fire, killing the assassin instantly. Four bystanders were also killed by stray gunfire.
Shocked by the news, many public figures are urging the Government to posthumously award Sam the Koala the Order of Australia, while rumours of a Knighthood are being suggested in England.
In America, CNBC and FOX News are lobbying Hollywood to feature Sam during the In Memoriam footage during next years Oscars.
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, in a moving tribute, said “Sam was a beacon of brilliance in often murky times. He allowed us to finally forget that many actual humans died in the fires, that people in many cases lost all they own, their cherished memories, their homes filled with love and laughter and the land they fought and worked hard for all their lives. Sam’s brave fight against chlamydia allowed us to move on from our grief and get back to the great Aussie traditions of whinging about petrol prices, complaining about how long the lines are at supermarkets and calling talkback radio to offer our superior opinions on how to better coach a football team. To make sure we never forget Sam’s contribution to both the Australian psyché and the animal swingers scene, the Government is donating $500 million dollars to develop a cure to wipe out chlamydia in koalas once and for all, so that no koalas will have to suffer the embarrassing media coverage Sam – and the general public – had to endure these past few months.”
Sam the Koala is survived by his wife, Mary-Anne the Koala, and two children by a previous marraige.
Channel Nine will run a 3 hour special on Sam on Sunday night, hosted by Bert Newton and Eddie McGuire.
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