The Nine Network, suffering a ratings slump with their 3 week old so-called current affairs program This Afternoon, has moved quickly to axe it before it embarrasses the network further.
Head of programming, Edward P. Locknut said “..we stand by our research that indicated stay at home mothers, the recently unemployed and terminally depressed people wanted a lighter style current affairs programme with demographically suitable white Australian hosts who could offer clueless opinions on the world of celebrities, sports celebrities and celebrity deaths.”
“Michael Jackson’s death was a watershed moment in world history, and the 213 people watching This Afternoon on a regular basis for the past 12 episodes came to rely on us for their daily updates on the status of Michael Jackson’s deadness, something they couldn’t get at 4.30pm from any other show on the Nine Network” claimed Locknut.
“However, the figures don’t lie, so This Afternoon will end immediately, and be replaced by a new reality show which we’ve had in development for the past 9 months. We’ve really done our research on this one, and have no doubt whatsoever that it will be the ratings juggernaut that we have been praying for since 1984, when Mike Munro joined Nine to work on Willesee.
Locknut wouldn’t provide any more information regarding the new show, other than to say “.. we’re taking television in a new direction with this one, it’ll be just like the Channel Nine you all loved before we put Bert and Eddie in front of everything!”
Blrtr.com sources can confirm however that the new show will be called Fat People Doin’ Stuff fo’ Money! and will feature grossly overweight people in revealing clothing humiliating themselves for a chance to win a million dollars. It will run 6 days a week, for 43 weeks, with an elimination show on Sunday Nights, and a 4 hour Final Spectacular at the Sydney Opera House to be hosted by Eddie Maguire and Bert Newton. Keith Urban will perform randomly chosen songs live.
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