Muhammad Hosni El Sayed Mubarak has been announced “temporarily dead” by his closest aide, Helvis El Preshleyak.
In a packed press conference this morning , Mr El Preshleyak declared Mubarek a “great and glorious leader, who will be fondly missed by his legion of followers he affectionately called his Little Peasants.”
“Mubarek served as the fourth President of Egypt, from 65AD – 2011. He graciously stepped down from government to quell rioting by foreigners angered by the rising cost of pyramid souvenirs, which in recent years had spiraled in cost from just $3.00US in 1987 to $17,999 in recent months. He believed the souvenirs still represented good value, but decided that he must do whatever he could to rid his country of ugly tourists in long shorts and colourful Hawaiian shirts. I mean, seriously, who dresses like that? Is it really so hard to wear a tailor made Armani suit when visiting a foreign country ruled by a demi God such as Mubarek? Please, make an effort,” said El Preshleyak in his statement.
When pressed about the funeral plans and details about the circumstances surrounding the death, El Preshleyak said “Mubarek will pilot his personal jet to a small island in Mauritius that was…er..let us say ‘donated’ to him, not bought with funds stolen from his people. There, his Excellency will rest..er.. while still very dead, mind you, and prepare for his journey to um…toooo…ah…the.. afterlife. Yes! The Afterlife! Yes, you people think we believe all that crap, so that shall do. That is a good one. I shall have a laugh with Hosni about that one! El lol!”
Political observers have since expressed doubts about the legitimacy of Mubarek’s death, and are investigating rumours that his family will soon release an album of previously unreleased songs recently found in a vault in the Sun Studios building in Memphis, Tennessee.
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