US President Barack Obama has conceded that the Gulf of Mexico oil spill is now well beyond the ability of BP or the Government to cap.
This morning he called on movie director James Cameron and the Na’vi from planet Pandora to help.
“Well..I think that this issue is special… and ah.. we need special people to handle it now that BP has proven themself useless… so I asked James… James Cameron… my good friend… to ah… enlist the help of his friends, the Na’vi to ah… fix this problem… Finally,” Obama told reporters.
Cameron, the director of blockbuster Titanic and the recent documentary Avatar, was excited by the opportunity to tackle the oil spill.
“I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I have some cutting edge ideas, some really amazing technology that I think I can use to capture the oil flow. With the right budget and the current advances in technology, I think I can have the problem solved by around 2023,” said Cameron.
Cameron’s plan would involve the use of quantum entanglement technology, which would allow him to teleport the oil spill from the Gulf of Mexico to the other side of the universe, effectively making it someone – or something – else’s problem.
The Na’vi however have proposed a solution that would fix the disaster in much shorter time frame.
“We will plug our braid into the spill and communicate directly with the oil and gently encourage it to return to the safety of its home deep within the Earth, where it can once again be with its own kind and lead a peaceful oily existence,” said Na’vi spokesman, Beyda’amo.
“Then, when the oil is safe again, we will hunt down and kill all the humans who work for BP and feed their bodies to Toruk, the greatest of all the fierce Leonopteryx, as punishment for the great distress and turmoil they have caused the Earth and it’s people. Actually, we just wanted to talk to the oil, but Obama suggested we kill everyone at BP, and we thought it was a good idea.”
President Obama has given the Na’vi his approval and expects the healing and followup slaughter to begin on Friday.
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