Public Transport Minister Lynne Kosky has quit politics due to her involvement in a sex scandal involving 86 players from the AFL, NRL and National Lawn Bowls Association.
She has denied her resignation is due to her bungled handling of the myki smartcard debacle.
“Let me make this perfectly clear. I had sex, lots and lots of hot steamy sex with many, many, many members of the AFL, NRL, a state Lawn Bowls team, some guys from a local cricket club and possibly a postman who was delivering mail to my office.” said Kosky at a press conference in Melbourne this morning.
“It has nothing to do with the way I handled myki, which has in fact been a significant success if you disregard the cost over-runs, budget blowouts, technical failures, delays, misinformation, public hatred and inept handling by myself and my department. I repeat, I had lots of sex with people I don’t know, and I’m quitting because of that. Sex bad. myki good.”
When asked by a reporter whether myki was the actual reason behind her decision to resign from politics, Kosky became agitated.
“That is simply not true.” she said. ” You wouldn’t believe some of the depraved things I did with the guys from Collingwood Football Club, it would blow your mind, seriously. Unfortunately it also means I have to step down from my position, leaving behind me an untarnished record of political achievement, especially in the area of public transport reform and more particularly with the introduction of the myki system, which I have no doubt will fulfill all its requirements and serve the public exceptionally well… that is assuming for some crazy, totally unexpected and unforeseeable reason it isn’t about to scrapped and replaced with an even more inefficient and costly solution. But my hopefully more qualified replacement will be able to handle your questions about that inevitable debacle, if and when that occurs. Like I said, I’m a dirty sex addict with no shame, and I may have even shot someone dead last night – that’s why I must quit politics.”
The myki smartcard system was budgeted at $500 million dollars, but has so far cost $850 million that the public is aware of, is 3 years overdue, and will cost taxpayers in excess of $500 million over the next decade to operate, plus a further $250 million dollars a year in advertising so the government can try to convince the public myki really works and was worth the trouble.
Ms Kosky and her husband Jim have two children, live in Melbourne’s western suburbs and have taxpayer funded personal drivers at their disposal 24 hours a day. They enjoy Chinese takeaway on Fridays.
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