Nicole Kidman stunned Hollywood again this week, this time turning up at the Premiere of her new movie Nine with her face covered in cocaine and mumbling “They wanna go to war? Those fucking cockroaches! Just wait till they see my little friend! Hokay!”
Kidman, who last week slammed Australia’s paparazzi, has been involved in several incidents lately leading many to believe that she is in the midst of a very public meltdown.
“Nicole turned up at the red carpet for Nine clearly disoriented and extremely twitchy” said co-star Judi Dench. “I took her aside to ask if she was okay, and she just kept talking about how Oscar Varela Garcia was muscling in on her turf and it was time for the Diego Montoya Cartel to be taught a lesson. I’d love to help her, but those Colombians are fucking crazy. Cuba Gooding Jnr tried to take them on after his Oscar win and now look at him! He can’t get a part as the the Before Guy in a laxative commercial.”
When questioned about her appearance, Kidman was incomprehensible.
“The powder? What face? HA! I was in school and the dog, the dog, she was cooking my soup.. he tells me to get the bag, so I got it, because that’s what Hollywood expects, and then THOSE guys, yeah..you know who I mean, THEM… well… don’t you worry, I have a rubber nose for those occassions, but then they sneeze on you and Matt Dillon tried to kill me three times. Cheese! CHEESE! CHEEEESE!”
Nicole’s husband, Country singer Keith Urban said he’s “excited and supportive, Nic can do anything she wants, I just wanna style my hair in peace, man” about her upcoming war against the Colombians.
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