Controversial star forward Brendan Fevola has stunned both the football and the academic world by announcing his retirement from AFL and also solving The Jacobian Conjecture, a notoriously difficult mathematical problem formulated in 1939.
The Clay Mathematics Institute in the United States has offered a $1,000,000 prize for the correct solution, and are currently verifying Fevola’s proof to determine if he has found the solution. They have also offered him a full time position as a theoretical mathematics lecturer at the institute, which he accepted last night after announcing his retirement from AFL.
“I was playing blackjack at Crown after the Brownlow, counting cards like RainMan, gropping the croupier’s breasts and taking a leak under the table, when all of a sudden a light just sorta went on in my head and the answer appeared to me.” said Fevola today from the Queensland University of Science, where he has been in hiding since the media uproar began.
“I’ve taken stabs at the equation before, nothing serious, just half-hearted manipulations of number theories to see if I could make things fit, but they never amounted to much. This time was different though. I ran the solution into my computer and it spit out 450 pages of equations and calculations. I think the answer was always inside me, I just had to drink it to the surface.” he continued.
“The AFL can finally breathe a sigh of relief.” said Andrew Demetriou, AFL CEO. “We’re very happy for him, and we always knew that he had an exceptional mind. But frankly, he has a serious problem with alcohol and women, and we couldn’t keep covering up his sexual assaults, drunken rampages and radical mathematical theories any longer. I told Brendan the AFL observes the Laws of Thermal Dynamics, and his far out alternate theories have no place on the football oval.”
A spokesman for the Clay Mathematics Institute said today “Brendan will surely go down as one of the most brilliant minds in science and mathematics, right alongside Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman and Alex Jesaulenko. And our footbal team is gonna kick some serious arse with him at full forward too.”
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