Putter Whore Tiger Woods has been welcomed back to Victoria with open legs to compete for her affections, money and cup once again.
”I am pleased to be able to return to Melbourne to play with Victoria again,” Woods said while rolling around on a bed covered in 100 dollar bills, silicon enhanced pornstars and thousand dollar hookers.
“I want Victoria to know that I will be bringing my A-Game, and that I will be singularly focussed on giving her her money’s worth. She won’t be able to putt right for a week after I’m done.”
Victorian Premier John Brumby has defended the controversial move to invite Woods back and to pay half his $3 million dollar hourly fee with taxpayer funds.
“Tiger is good for Victoria,” claimed Mr Brumby.
“Victoria has been depressed and eating a lot since Tiger left her. The Government tried to cheer her up with other things like increased parking fees and higher water levies, but she just moped around talking about an empty feeling deep inside her Cheltenham,” said Mr Brumby.
“Victoria’s therapist advised us that the only option we had if we didn’t want to lose her to some sick perverted deviant called Sydney was to pay Tiger Woods to ‘visit’ her again personally.”
On hearing the news of Tigers return, Victoria showed immediate visible signs of recovery, bursting her dams and writing on her Facebook page “I’m soooo happy! Tiger is back! Yay! Tiger is coming back to see me and defend my Cup. I have to go shopping and buy a dress and some kneepads.”
Comments are closed.