Celebrity Nobody Lara Bingle has announced her split from celebrity nobody Celebrity Nobody promoter Max Markson.
“I’ve had enough of the ‘celebrity nobody’ thing, I just want to be a plain old ‘nobody’ again, and for cricket fans to stop throwing beer cans at me all the time,” said Bingle during an exclusive interview with Blrtr.com
Lara also revealed that her media money grubbing days were behind her.
“I will never ever ever ever ever never again ask to be paid for an interview again for the rest of my life, swear to God, scout’s honour, I swear,” she said as she stuffed her face with a Boston cream bun, four lobsters and a $300 bottle of red wine that she demanded Blrtr.com buy her for lunch if we wanted this exclusive interview.
“I hmrph brufhp swear that I have errfph grubble hurmplebrumpf no more freebies, and that fhurpm Max Markson can go fumhpll grud self,” she continued angrily while eating a vintage spanish sausage, tears streaming down her face ruining the makeup which she begged Napoleon Purdis give her for free.
Ex-agent Max Markson denied Bingle’s claims. “I’m still her manager, she just doesn’t realise it. Once you sign with Max Markson you can never leave Max Markson. I’m like herpes, but worse, much much worse,” said Markson as he had an Ed Hardy design tattooed on his one remaining testicle during his press conference in Sydney this morning.
The media have applauded Bingle’s new direction in life and vowed to give her the space she needs to fulfill her dreams of a quiter life.
“We’ll miss Lara and her carcrash life, but we’ll happily leave her alone to rebuild her life in peace. From tomorrow you can follow her journey in her new daily column for the HeraldSun, or watch her on her new chatshow The Bingle Factor on Channel Nine, and read her blogs WhatLaraDidNext.com and GiveMeFreeShitandMoney.com.
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