Actors Benicio Del Toro and Angelina Jolie are in custody today and director Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns) has been shot dead after their planned heist of 75 million Magnum Gold ice cream bars went tragically wrong last night.
It’s alleged that Del Toro, Jolie and Singer hatched the daring plan to break into Unilever’s heavily guarded Ice Cream Vault in New York City under the guise of filming a new commercial for the product.
The trio intended to steal an estimated 75 million bars of Magnum Gold ice cream, selling most on the flourishing ice cream blackmarket and keep 1 million bars each for their private consumption.
The plan came unstuck when a security guard discovered the trio asleep on the floor of the vault this morning after having gorged themselves on an estimated 300 Magnum Gold bars overnight.
When woken by the guard, director Bryan Singer screamed they were secretly filming a new commercial for the ice cream that only the reclusive head of the Unilever corporation was aware of.
Singer then took the guard hostage and started shooting wildly at the surrounding police.
Singer was shot 75 times during a brief shootout and was pronounced dead half an hour later.
Del Toro and Jolie were able to escape in the confusion, but were arrested shortly after just 3 blocks away where they were spotted eating ice cream in a Ben and Jerry’s.
Lawyers for the actors claim they were suffering temporary insanity brought on by their ice cream addiction, and were blackmailed into the plot by Singer.
Singer in recent times had started telling close friends and family that he was the inspiration for the character Keyser Soze from his breakthrough movie The Usual Suspects.
Unilever, owner of the Streets Ice Cream brand, denied any knowledge of the heist, but after viewing security tapes of the robbery indicated that they would release the footage as a new commercial for the Magnum Gold ice cream this week.
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