Angelina Jolie has been arrested in Haiti after attempting to smuggle Haitian President Rene Preval out of the country illegally in her Prada handbag.
Jolie, a UN Goodwill Ambassador, claims she was only trying to find a more suitable home for the President, who she initially thought was an orphan hiding in the ruins of the Presidential Palace.
“I arrived at the palace to meet with President Preval last night, and while I was waiting I caught a small child rummaging through my bag for food.” said Jolie.
“He was scruffy looking, dark skinned, unshaven and nibbling on scraps of bread, so I just assumed that he was left homeless after that devastating quakey bad thing they had here recently. I thought it would be a great opportunity to save a poor child and that he would also make a great plaything for my 13 adopted children back home. So when he wasn’t looking I stuffed him in my bag and walked out of the palace and headed straight for the airport.”
After an anonymous tipoff, Haitian authorities arrested Jolie and her entourage as they boarded her private jet.
Jolie refused to hand over her handbag to police for inspection, even though screams of “HELP! STRANGER DANGER!” could be clearly heard coming from inside the bag.
The standoff was resolved when the President chewed his way out of the bag and ran to safety. He was reportedly unaware who had attempted to smuggle him out of the country until he met with Jolie and her lawyers later at the police station where she was being held for questioning.
At a press conference held this morning, the President released a statement indicating he would “..release Angelina Jolie immediately and withdraw all charges if she agreed to submit a formal application to officially adopt President Preval through normal channels.”
Angelina Jolie has accepted the terms of her release, and hopes to have the President’s adoption finalised before Madonna arrives in Haiti tomorrow.
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