General Motors have told Tiger Woods he won’t be getting any more free cars, in the latest of a long line of sponsor withdrawals.
“Up till now we’ve had an agreement with Tiger Woods where he could walk into any GM dealership worldwide and drive off with any car he fancied without cost.” said Hogarth Hughes, GM CEO.
“Unfortunately, today we announced to Tiger ‘No more free cars for you!’ Frankly, we felt that Tiger was taking unfair advantage of our generosity. We were sick of the cars coming back with stained seats, filled with Chinese takeaway and smelling like a 50 year old whore. We were spending a fortune on steamcleaning and detailing to make the cars drivable again. If the public knew how many of his 4 wheeled lustmobiles we had sold to unsuspecting buyers they’d lynch us.”
Tigers management denied the withdrawal of GM’s sponsorship was related to his marital problems, claiming they were instead talking to a ‘major truck manufacturer’ to fulfill Tigers ‘unique’ transportation and entertainment requirements.
Sources within Mack Trucks have revealed that a new model is currently in production, featuring a 10,000km range fuel tank, a private chef and fully stocked kitchen, 4 interconnected trailers capable of carrying 120 strippers, 6 King size beds and the worlds first fully mobile brothel franchise called ’18 Squealers’.
Tiger is expected to take delivery of a fleet of these new trucks in February.
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