Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is today enjoying a surge in popularity after allegations he told his Ministers “Go fuck yourselves, you bunch of spoilt little whinging cocksuckers” when they objected to his proposed allowance cutbacks.
“Who’s the boss? I am! BAM! You weak motherfuckers! Suck on that! Uh huh, K-Rudd is the big dawg and you’re all my little bitches, yeah!” he allegedly shouted at the assembled Ministers in his home office on Friday night.
When Treasurer Wayne Swan tried to calm the situation, the Prime Minister leaped over the desk and punched Swan in the mouth, knocking him out cold, then screamed “Who else wants some of this? You? Do you want some? ‘Cause I got plenty to go around, you spineless fuckers!”
An unnamed minister leaked the foulmouthed tirade to national newspapers, hoping to humiliate Rudd for his offensive language.
The plan backfired when opinion polls taken over the weekend suggested the Prime Minister’s approval rating had leaped by 47%, levels not seen since Bob Hawke kicked an old aged pensioner in the balls at a Queensland shopping Center.
Questioned about his outburst, Mr Rudd would neither confirm or deny the claims.
“I stand by what I said and did and the need to cut wasteful spending, and if those shitbirds have a problem with how I express myself, they can go fuck a ferret, ’cause I don’t give a flying fuck what they fucking think, frankly.”
Opposition Shadow Minister for Families Tony Abbott was stunned by Mr Rudd’s outburst.
“Did that really happen? Serious? Fuck me! That is awesome. Malcolm Turnbull is a fucking pussy compared to the Ruddster. “
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