BREAKING NEWS
Brendan Fevola announces retirement from football (click here to read new story)
Carlton’s controversial full-forward Brendan Fevola is again in the doghouse after disgracing himself during the televised Brownlow Medal count.
Fevola, attending the Brownlow with part-time wife Alex Fevola, was seen by television audiences urinating on himself, and urging others to urinate on him.
Carlton have fined him $10,000 and ordered him to attend toilet training.
The Footy Show also announced his sacking from their Grand Final show, claiming they couldn’t tolerate his extreme behaviour any longer.
Footy Show host Gary Lyon expressed his disappointment.
“Brendan is a great full forward, but asking people to piss on him is just too much. We could accept him urinating on shopfronts, on cars, on a police station and even that one time he took a slash on John Elliot, but asking people to urinate on his head while sitting at the table during the Brownlow count is just unacceptable, no matter how funny we all thought it was. And it was bloody funny. Even Sam Newman – who was chatting up a 17 year old waitress backstage – thought it was a bit beyond the pale. But shit mate, did we laugh! But nah, we can’t have him pissing on the Footy Show. That’s Shane Crawford’s job.”
Fevola claims he can’t recall most of what occurred that night, but admits that partner/wife Alex gave him a dressing down afterwards.
“She told me I was acting like a goose, a big ugly pissing goose, and that if I kept embarrasing myself she would leave me for good because I would become useless to her as a promotional vehicle for her books, restaurants and upcoming line of natural makeup products. I tell ya, she was really mad, because she REALLY doesn’t want to have to get a real job.”
The nights eventual Brownlow medal winner, Gary Ablett was also a victim of Fevola’s hijinks.
“Brendan was a blast! He was pissing all over himself and egging on everyone at the table to piss on him, there was bloody piss everywhere, it was a cack. I’d had a few cold ones myself and couldn’t piss straight enough to put out a fire, but Brendan was a real champion and gave me some coaching tips that had me pissing on his forehead from across the table! The guy’s a true professional.”
Footy Living Legend Ron Barassi has been outspoken in his condemnation of Fevola’s actions, claiming it was “the second largest amount of urine I’ve ever seen at a Brownlow night.”
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