Madonna, currently on the Lower North East Bulgarian leg of her “I Have a Vagina! World Tour” has fainted twice on stage this week, sparking fears for her health.
Both fainting spells occurred during the opening number, within the first 2 minutes of the highly energetic act which sees Madonna parachute to the stage naked and performing a 12 minute solo interpretive dance routine.
Her management are blaming exhaustion from her hectic schedule and rehearsal routine for the fainting spells.
“Madge is driving herself at breakneck speed and won’t let up! She’s like a possessed quasi-human/amazonian/Ubermensch! Most people would be dead with her schedule. It’s definitely exhaustion, not something else. Shhh! She’ll hear us!” claimed her management.
Sources close to Madonna are fearing for her wellbeing also, claiming that even her punishing gym workouts aren’t helping her anymore. “Her stamina is almost superhuman, she’s in the greatest shape of her life, but undertaking the “I Have a Vagina! World Tour” is a huge commitment. Scientists discovered 4 new countries just last week, and she added them to the tour dates when she read it in New Scientist magazine. This exhaustion thing, that’s definitely the problem. Yep, exhaustion, nothing else. Nope. Now leave. She has people who watch us.”
Madonna’s ripped, lean body has been the talk of the blogonet since undertaking the tour, with photos of her muscular body raising concerns that she might be using horse steroids to enhance her strength.
“After a workout, she usually wrestles a bear to the ground and knocks it out with a sleeper hold. Now that takes some serious strength. It’s also pretty exhausting” the source added.
Madonna has claimed that her physique and inhuman strength is a result of her devotion to the teachings of Kabbalah, and the fainting is just exhaustion from her grueling timetable.
“These exhaustion/fainting spells will not stop me. EVER. I must have a minor virus or something, maybe I didn’t take all my supplements today. Fainting spells, schmainting schmells, I’m perfectly fine. It’s just exhaustion. Not something else that’s not exhaustion, it’s definitely exhaustion.”
Sources within the medical community disagree however.
“What exactly do her entourage mean by ‘exhaustion’? Unless by ‘exhaustion’ they mean Madonna is passing out because she does crazy shit when she is really, really, really old. Then that makes sense. Yep, she’s ‘very exhausted’. Have you seen her lately? She looks like the lovechild of Iggy Pop and Donatella Versace that was attacked by a chupacabra. Man she looks old. I mean exhausted.”
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